Sunday was a very rough day. I had memories of dad looked when he was in the Kewanee Nursing home van. Someone had dressed him in a shirt that was too little. His belly was sticking out and they could barely get the seat belt around him. That sight will haunt me forever. It was a warm day and we had so much to do to clean out his room and then get to Kewanee to see him.
I am having some guilty feelings that I was not there when he died. Like I said, they called me after 1 am the next Sunday Morning and said he had passed. I didn't do anything about it on Sunday. I waited until Monday. So I never got to see him. I have dreams that it really wasn't dad that died and he is still sitting alone in the nursing home.
I miss my mom and dad very much. I miss their guidance, although at the time they gave it, I didn't feel like following their advice. Just to hear their voices again would be wonderful!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Harold passed away August 17, 2008
I can't believe that I didn't keep up with this blog. Here it is, January 13, 2009 and I just noticed that I didn't finish the story about my dad, William Harold Perry.
The easiest way to fill this in will be to copy and paste emails that I wrote at the time. I will briefly say that I really miss my dad and it was sad the way he spent his last days of his life. He was very paranoid at the nursing home. He thought people were out to get him. One time he called his brother, Buster, and said that the police were outside his window and trying to get in. He said he was barracading himself in his room. Uncle Buster called the police and they called the nursing home to inform them what was going on. Dad had closed his door and put things in front of it. At first I didn't understand why Buster didn't just call the nursing home but he didn't have time to stop and look up the number. So I don't blame him for calling. I'll write more about that later.
One thing I did want to mention was how obsessed Dad was about the Exit signs. He told me that they should have arrows on them to show exactly where the exit was at. I am very observant about those signs now. Yes, they do have them up in places but some don't point to the exact way to go. In case of a fire, you need to know exactly which way to go. So whenever I see those signs, I think of Dad.
To make a long story short, Dad started getting violent and hitting nurses. We had to take him to another, more secure nursing home. The day that we took him to the new nursing home, he had lost the muscle strength in his legs. The night before, I was there and he had walked out of the nursing home twice. When he walked out when I was there at the nurses' station. They had put a sheet over the door at the end of the hall so Dad couldn't see it. But he was able to get behind the sheet and push the door open. When we ran down the hall to get him, the sheet had caught under the door when it shut and we couldn't get to the handle. Once we opened the door, Dad was 10 feet away from the door. The 3 nurses that were with me took him by the arms and told him to walk back in. He went quietly to his room and they sat him down in his chair. I sat there not knowing what to say. I finally asked Dad why he did it. He looked at me and said, "Audrey was walking next to me, on my arm. Did you see her?" That was when I knew the end was near. As I said, the next day, he was "dead" weight. He couldn't put weight on his legs. At over 220 lbs. it now took 3 nurses to help him move. They took him to the new nursing home in a van. They didn't bring the handicapped van because they were told that Dad was able to walk. When they questioned why they were told that he could walk, we all said in unison that he could last night.
We wheeled dad to the side door and Dad said he wanted to go back to his room. We had to persuade him to go and I told him he was going to get help. He finally decided to go. It took 5 people pushing and pulling to get him into the van. It is a sight I will never forget. They buckled him up with a seatbelt that barely went around his belly. They had him dressed in pants that didn't fit and a striped polyester shirt that was too little and he look very unconfortable. It made me cry. They were going to give us a few days to clean out his room, but I had just been there the night before and then that day, Sunday August 10th. We decided to take everything with us. They were able to load his big chair up in the van so that helped. We grabbed all of his clothes, his lamp, pictures, and personal stuff and put them in our van. It took us about 15 minutes then we went to Royal Oaks in Kewanee where they took dad. Then we had to decide what we were going to take in there and what we were going to take home. We found Dad sitting in his chair in front of the nurses' station. That is where he stayed the whole week before he died. I don't think he ever spent a night in his bed there. At around 1 a.m. the next Sunday, Dad passed away.
When we went to get his stuff on Monday, one of the nurse's stopped us and told us that dad had told her he was sorry for the way he had been acting and it really wasn't the way that he was. I found that comforting. I will write much more later.
The easiest way to fill this in will be to copy and paste emails that I wrote at the time. I will briefly say that I really miss my dad and it was sad the way he spent his last days of his life. He was very paranoid at the nursing home. He thought people were out to get him. One time he called his brother, Buster, and said that the police were outside his window and trying to get in. He said he was barracading himself in his room. Uncle Buster called the police and they called the nursing home to inform them what was going on. Dad had closed his door and put things in front of it. At first I didn't understand why Buster didn't just call the nursing home but he didn't have time to stop and look up the number. So I don't blame him for calling. I'll write more about that later.
One thing I did want to mention was how obsessed Dad was about the Exit signs. He told me that they should have arrows on them to show exactly where the exit was at. I am very observant about those signs now. Yes, they do have them up in places but some don't point to the exact way to go. In case of a fire, you need to know exactly which way to go. So whenever I see those signs, I think of Dad.
To make a long story short, Dad started getting violent and hitting nurses. We had to take him to another, more secure nursing home. The day that we took him to the new nursing home, he had lost the muscle strength in his legs. The night before, I was there and he had walked out of the nursing home twice. When he walked out when I was there at the nurses' station. They had put a sheet over the door at the end of the hall so Dad couldn't see it. But he was able to get behind the sheet and push the door open. When we ran down the hall to get him, the sheet had caught under the door when it shut and we couldn't get to the handle. Once we opened the door, Dad was 10 feet away from the door. The 3 nurses that were with me took him by the arms and told him to walk back in. He went quietly to his room and they sat him down in his chair. I sat there not knowing what to say. I finally asked Dad why he did it. He looked at me and said, "Audrey was walking next to me, on my arm. Did you see her?" That was when I knew the end was near. As I said, the next day, he was "dead" weight. He couldn't put weight on his legs. At over 220 lbs. it now took 3 nurses to help him move. They took him to the new nursing home in a van. They didn't bring the handicapped van because they were told that Dad was able to walk. When they questioned why they were told that he could walk, we all said in unison that he could last night.
We wheeled dad to the side door and Dad said he wanted to go back to his room. We had to persuade him to go and I told him he was going to get help. He finally decided to go. It took 5 people pushing and pulling to get him into the van. It is a sight I will never forget. They buckled him up with a seatbelt that barely went around his belly. They had him dressed in pants that didn't fit and a striped polyester shirt that was too little and he look very unconfortable. It made me cry. They were going to give us a few days to clean out his room, but I had just been there the night before and then that day, Sunday August 10th. We decided to take everything with us. They were able to load his big chair up in the van so that helped. We grabbed all of his clothes, his lamp, pictures, and personal stuff and put them in our van. It took us about 15 minutes then we went to Royal Oaks in Kewanee where they took dad. Then we had to decide what we were going to take in there and what we were going to take home. We found Dad sitting in his chair in front of the nurses' station. That is where he stayed the whole week before he died. I don't think he ever spent a night in his bed there. At around 1 a.m. the next Sunday, Dad passed away.
When we went to get his stuff on Monday, one of the nurse's stopped us and told us that dad had told her he was sorry for the way he had been acting and it really wasn't the way that he was. I found that comforting. I will write much more later.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Harold is still with us
Let me start this blog by giving a little history. My parents met on Oct 3, 1948. It was my dad's birthday. My dad had just recently moved to the area from Elizabethtown, Kentucky. Mom had lived in the Knoxville-Galesburg area all of her life. They were both attending a dance on this evening. Dad was with his cousin, Martin, and Mom was with her date, Lyle Clay. It was love at first site for Mom and Dad, and they were married just 4 months later. Dad was 24 and mom had just turned 19. Fast forward to October 1990. I was divorced from my first husband. Even though I had never dated anyone from my high school, I actually had a date with a former classmate one October evening in 1990. That person was Larry Clay, Lyle Clay's son. I just wanted to bring up that coincidence because 13 days later, I met my 2nd husband. So in essence Mom's last date was with Lyle and my last date was with his son. No real big deal, just trivia.
Back to Mom and Dad. My brother, Steve, was born in Oct of 1951 and I was born in January of 1956. We were a normal family. No big drama happened in our lives.
My brother and I grew up and eventually married. He - 2 times and me 3. Again, no big deal. Mom and Dad were able to celebrate 56 years together. Then in April of 2005, my mom was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. Her story can be read at Audrey13.blogspot.com She passed away the Monday before Thanksgiving in 2005.
Dad was in the middle of moving from their home that they had lived in for 25 years. He had purchased my home in Galesburg and completely renovated it. He lived there from November 2005 until July of 2006. Then he got the idea to move to an assisted living place and he was living there within 2 weeks. He had an all house tag sale within a month and happily lived there until December when he went to live
with my brother in Houston. While in Houston, Dad met a beautiful lady and they became friends. They even talked about moving in together but her family hesitated and Dad moved back to Illinois. He rented an apartment over the phone and had his belongings sent there in April of 2007. His lady friend was able to fly in from Houston and visit dad 4 different times. Once at the end of April, again in June, once more in October, when the 4 of us went on a riverboat ride, and again in December. The December trip lasted the longest from the 19th to January 9th. Because of the weather and road conditions I was not able to visit with her after we went with dad to pick her up at the airport. Dad went to Houston in February to go on a Caribbean Cruise with her the first week in February. Then at 9 am on sunday March 30 I got a call from dad.
Here is the actually email I sent to my step-daughter on that day:
What a difference a week makes. Last sunday my dad drove up here for Easter and now this sunday he called at 9 a.m. He had gone to the emergency room at 11 pm saturday by ambulance and they released him at 4 am and he took a cab home. His right knee was hurting very bad. He just took for granted it was cancer settling in. He is giving up and wants to go to a nursing home. We went there at noon yesterday and sat with him. I helped him get out of his chair to go to the bathroom 2 times and then to go to bed. He was in great pain. We thought it might have been his gout. It was a little comfort to him to know that it might be and he stopped some of his fatalistic talk. But this morning he was still in great pain. We called the doctor and he has to put dad in the hospital for 3 days before he can go to a nursing home. Then Medicare can pay for the Nursing Home for nearly a month. So dad is in the hospital until Thursday Morning. We came home today (Monday) at 4:30. We are going back to galesburg Wednesday night and staying the
night. Dad had paid for his apartment for the month of April. So we have a month to decide what to do with his stuff. Fun! Fun!
I really think that once they get the gout out... if that is what it is, he will be up and around again. So I am not going to start dismantling his apartment until we are sure he won't be going back. This is going to be a hectic month for sure!
I am so glad I saved my emails because my memory of the events are getting hazy.
Dad started getting better and he could get around better. He told us though, that he was resigned to the fact that he would stay at the nursing home. But he kept talking about how nice his bed was. We were trying to find people who could use some of dad's things. We couldn't find anyone that wanted his bed so my husband and I decided that we would move Dad back to the Assisted living place he has been at in from July to December of 2006. He had lots of friends there that he had worked with at Sears. So when it came time to move stuff out of dad's apartment. we went there on Thursday April 24 and got things ready and then on Friday morning we had Movers come and take some things and an auction place come and take the rest.
The mover's had to come get Dad's big chair from the Nursing Home. We had to show them where to go. Since we were there, we decided to go ahead and pack Dad up and take him to the apartment so he could tell the movers where to put stuff. It was hectic. They were using the elevator over lunch hour and people were having problems getting to lunch. oops! oh well. They got everything moved in and we got dad settled and we finally got to go home. We had to clean the apartment before the end of the month, so we came back on that Monday and Donnie cleaned and I went to help dad get his computer set up. Donnie did a great job cleaning. The oven was the worst. Dad only cooked one thing in his oven the whole time he was there. But the thing he cooked was a pizza. And he had put it in on the rack.... upside down! What a mess! But the apartment passed the test and he got his security deposit back. So, that is how we got dad to the assisted living place. He was able to enjoy his stay there for a couple months. Then.... see the next entry.
Back to Mom and Dad. My brother, Steve, was born in Oct of 1951 and I was born in January of 1956. We were a normal family. No big drama happened in our lives.
My brother and I grew up and eventually married. He - 2 times and me 3. Again, no big deal. Mom and Dad were able to celebrate 56 years together. Then in April of 2005, my mom was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. Her story can be read at Audrey13.blogspot.com She passed away the Monday before Thanksgiving in 2005.
Dad was in the middle of moving from their home that they had lived in for 25 years. He had purchased my home in Galesburg and completely renovated it. He lived there from November 2005 until July of 2006. Then he got the idea to move to an assisted living place and he was living there within 2 weeks. He had an all house tag sale within a month and happily lived there until December when he went to live
with my brother in Houston. While in Houston, Dad met a beautiful lady and they became friends. They even talked about moving in together but her family hesitated and Dad moved back to Illinois. He rented an apartment over the phone and had his belongings sent there in April of 2007. His lady friend was able to fly in from Houston and visit dad 4 different times. Once at the end of April, again in June, once more in October, when the 4 of us went on a riverboat ride, and again in December. The December trip lasted the longest from the 19th to January 9th. Because of the weather and road conditions I was not able to visit with her after we went with dad to pick her up at the airport. Dad went to Houston in February to go on a Caribbean Cruise with her the first week in February. Then at 9 am on sunday March 30 I got a call from dad.
Here is the actually email I sent to my step-daughter on that day:
What a difference a week makes. Last sunday my dad drove up here for Easter and now this sunday he called at 9 a.m. He had gone to the emergency room at 11 pm saturday by ambulance and they released him at 4 am and he took a cab home. His right knee was hurting very bad. He just took for granted it was cancer settling in. He is giving up and wants to go to a nursing home. We went there at noon yesterday and sat with him. I helped him get out of his chair to go to the bathroom 2 times and then to go to bed. He was in great pain. We thought it might have been his gout. It was a little comfort to him to know that it might be and he stopped some of his fatalistic talk. But this morning he was still in great pain. We called the doctor and he has to put dad in the hospital for 3 days before he can go to a nursing home. Then Medicare can pay for the Nursing Home for nearly a month. So dad is in the hospital until Thursday Morning. We came home today (Monday) at 4:30. We are going back to galesburg Wednesday night and staying the
night. Dad had paid for his apartment for the month of April. So we have a month to decide what to do with his stuff. Fun! Fun!
I really think that once they get the gout out... if that is what it is, he will be up and around again. So I am not going to start dismantling his apartment until we are sure he won't be going back. This is going to be a hectic month for sure!
I am so glad I saved my emails because my memory of the events are getting hazy.
Dad started getting better and he could get around better. He told us though, that he was resigned to the fact that he would stay at the nursing home. But he kept talking about how nice his bed was. We were trying to find people who could use some of dad's things. We couldn't find anyone that wanted his bed so my husband and I decided that we would move Dad back to the Assisted living place he has been at in from July to December of 2006. He had lots of friends there that he had worked with at Sears. So when it came time to move stuff out of dad's apartment. we went there on Thursday April 24 and got things ready and then on Friday morning we had Movers come and take some things and an auction place come and take the rest.
The mover's had to come get Dad's big chair from the Nursing Home. We had to show them where to go. Since we were there, we decided to go ahead and pack Dad up and take him to the apartment so he could tell the movers where to put stuff. It was hectic. They were using the elevator over lunch hour and people were having problems getting to lunch. oops! oh well. They got everything moved in and we got dad settled and we finally got to go home. We had to clean the apartment before the end of the month, so we came back on that Monday and Donnie cleaned and I went to help dad get his computer set up. Donnie did a great job cleaning. The oven was the worst. Dad only cooked one thing in his oven the whole time he was there. But the thing he cooked was a pizza. And he had put it in on the rack.... upside down! What a mess! But the apartment passed the test and he got his security deposit back. So, that is how we got dad to the assisted living place. He was able to enjoy his stay there for a couple months. Then.... see the next entry.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)