A year since dad died

Sunday was a very rough day. I had memories of dad looked when he was in the Kewanee Nursing home van. Someone had dressed him in a shirt that was too little. His belly was sticking out and they could barely get the seat belt around him. That sight will haunt me forever. It was a warm day and we had so much to do to clean out his room and then get to Kewanee to see him.
I am having some guilty feelings that I was not there when he died. Like I said, they called me after 1 am the next Sunday Morning and said he had passed. I didn't do anything about it on Sunday. I waited until Monday. So I never got to see him. I have dreams that it really wasn't dad that died and he is still sitting alone in the nursing home.
I miss my mom and dad very much. I miss their guidance, although at the time they gave it, I didn't feel like following their advice. Just to hear their voices again would be wonderful!